brian + japan = ?

Uhhh...

It's been humid. My shaggy mop was too hot. Didn't feel like spending 1500 yen on a haircut. Then this happened.

I think my punk pouting needs some work. Tim joined in the fun, I'll get a pic of The Brothers Mohawk up soon.

Horribly confused phone call from mom coming in 10, 9, 8...

Fame, Fortune, and Chili Cheese Burritos

I'm pretty sure there's a famous quote that goes something like "It's, like, all super-sad and stuff when a son finally bests his father at something." (If anyone can find the proper version of this (if it is more than a fabrication or a line from an 80's sitcom), let me know.) Because my pop is awesome and good at just about everything, there has been minimal super-sadness in my life. But I did finally win at something - my Google search ranking. For those of you not in the know, my dad is also named Brian Grivna. (No, I'm not a junior. My middle name is Rolf, his is Andre.) This, in addition to dad's fame in the Minnesota jazz/classical/rockadeathgrassfusion music scene, has made it extremely difficult for me to leverage our very rare last name to my advantage. For a long time, I couldn't even make the first page of a "Brian Grivna" googling. I have no idea what caused this to change. But it did, so hooray!

Though I was never a big fan, I completely understand the pain caused by deprivation of Taco Bell products:
See the love? It's palpable! I wish this had been my high school senior picture. Anyway this site made me laugh. And cry.

Home, Home Home, Home Again

When I obtain the necessary capital, I shall start a new airline. It shall be called All Crying Babies Will Be Promptly Jettisoned Airways. Any tot hellbent on preventing other passengers like me from sleeping or having a headache-free flying experience (literally the second headache I've had in my life) shall be inserted into the Launching Tube of Silence™. With a delightful fwoomping sound not unlike that of a tuber being blasted out of a potato gun, the wee one will be gently thrust into the ether at 35,000 feet, free to wail to his heart's content.

Grossly inhumane, you say? Nothing could be farther from the truth. At ACBWBPJA, we value the life of your ornery little treasure. That's why, prior to explusion, we outfit each and every infant with a quality PoopaTrooper Parachute, a GPS tranceiver, a week's worth of MREs, a big piece of driftwood we found (nature's PFD!), and a machete. Given this loadout, we feel that any one-year old worth her salt will be more than resourceful enough to thrive in the ensuing months-to-years of being adrift in the Atlantic, wandering the Sahara, or crossing the Andes. And if not, at least they'll have something more reasonable to cry about than an aborted game of Peekaboo. Besides, consider the rich set of experiences they'll have to draw upon in their future artistic careers! Frankly, we like to think that we'll be bringing about the dawn of a modern-day Renaissance.

Other than that painful flight, the trip home was keen. Friends and family were seen. Delicious beer was imbibed. Tasty foodstuffs were eaten. Too much sleep was slept. Thanks for the good times.

Things in Sapporo are dandy. School is out, which means lots of sitting around in the beloved BoE (Board of Education) building and doing nothing. My ability to do nothing effectively has been greatly enhanced by my awesome new 15" Powerbook G4. As much as I hate to say so, everyone who told me to buy a laptop before coming to Japan was probably right. I can't believe I'm saying this, but I may forsake all desktops from this point onward. shinybrick (yes, I named it) is more than powerful enough to do the stuff I need, and as I told Chuck, the power of computing in front of the television simply cannot be overstated. Even in a country where the TV is complete fucking dreck (Japanese TV is a subject I still can't bear to talk about at length because it's so awful and is unquestionably the greatest disappointment I've experienced in Japan so far.)

One thing the BoE building does have going for it is air conditioning. The level of humidity since my return has been nothing short of ridiculous. To make matters worse, there's no damn wind, or at least none that wants to wander through my apartment. To make matters worse [squared], reasonably-priced fans are apparently non-existent. The only fan for sale at Bic Camera (the biggest electronics store in town) was an 8500 yen ($76.25!) thing equipped with a sleep timer, thermostat, 10,000 speed settings and a melon baller. What the hell? It's a simple machine, people. All I need is spinny blades that cleave the soupy oppression of this fucking dewpoint regime, and that shouldn't cost more than thirty bucks.

Well, back to slumping against the couch in a sweaty heap for me. May all your flights be baby-free, and all your weather forecasts free of the word "muggy".