I spent the last hour and fifteen minutes ironing. Three shirts. Kindly recall that I spent the five years between college and JET-dom programming computers, a job in which the dress code is "reasonably clean loincloth required". The business-casual universe is a complete mystery to me. With constant hand-holding from my mother and sister, I managed to assemble a suitable wardrobe two days before leaving the country. A thousand blessings on mother for suggesting (almost-)wrinkle-free pants. [Confidental to Dockers R&D Department: the bukkake videos are in the mail.] However, they should not have permitted me to purchase anything made of The Fabric of the Devil - linen - without also hiding a maid in my suitcase.

You could stretch this crap as tightly as Cher's face and it'd still be a mess of wrinkles. I'm guessing it's troublesome for a veteran ironer, but for a poorly-equipped greenhorn like myself, it's all but impossible. (Incidentally, check out my baby ironing board. Attention Japan: in a few select cases, smaller is not better.)

Because it takes so damn long and seems to accomplish so little, I've been trying to determine how little ironing I can do and still get away with it. Unfortunately, that amount is not anywhere near zero minutes. About a month ago, we were teaching the kids how to use "I know..." and "I think...". We gave them a worksheet which said "I know that Brian ________________" (2x) and "I think that Brian _________________" (2x). They had to fill in the blanks. Most of the responses were fairly predictable: "I know that Brian is from America", "I think that Brian likes beer", "I think that Brian is a robot" (all actual responses (all reasonably accurate)). However, one of my favorite kids trumped them all with "I think that Brian doesn't iron." Funny! But embarassing. So I either have to iron or pick up some leisure suits at the second-hand store. I'm leaning toward the latter.

This picture is kind of funny and sad.

It's been posted by the elevator at home for a while. It's all about how old people are lousy drivers and should ride bikes or walk instead. And it was posted a few days after Respect for the Aged Day (one of Japan's many nutty holidays - today was Health and Sports Day - note that I got the day off for this, so I'm not complaining!). What the hell?

Aargh! Why do they make us dress up? Why?
My personal key to linen (although I do not iron, ever, if I can help it) is STEAM STEAM STEAM STEAM! Hang it in the shower with you. I mean in the bathroom when you shower. Use the hell out of the steaming function on your iron. Buy one of those clothes steamers. Yes.
Or, find yourself some nice sans-a-belt slacks (wrinkle-free fabrics).

I don't know if you could get it in Japan, but for me the key is this spray-on product called "Wrinkle Releaser" (I think from the good folks at Downy...). You sort of lightly coat your wrinkled clothes with it, hang them up, stretch them a bit, and let them dry. It's especially good with linen.

Brian, I am sooo sorry that we didn't discourage you from buying linen. You just looked so good and they weren't tee shirts.
Have you tried the damp lightweight dish towel trick? How about sending your shirts out? Sorry you are having such a time but your story about the whole deal made me really laugh out loud! Thanks for that!! Love, MOM

Brian,

You might take a shot at a commercial laundry or dry cleaner for the shirts. Ironing sucks, even with a good ironing board.

Hope you're having fun. Nice web site.

Vic

old people _are_ lousy drivers. so are young drivers.

if you ever buy linen again, you should look for a blend. i have two linen shirts blended with cotton and they seem to iron out ok. my old trick of throwing loathesome ironables into the drier doesn't work with the linen stuff though.

where are the pictures of YOU in JAPAN? i want to see you with a sushi maid or something... what about pictures of your classes?? c'mon, dish the goods already!

Alright, first off, that Hello Kitty ironing board's got to go. That's just torture.

Second, I think that if you can swing it, my recommendation would be to get the linen professionally done. Alternately, when you're wearing the linen, just concentrate on moving your shoulders, elbows, hips, and knees as little as possible. Preferrably not at all. And fer cripes sake, don't sit down! Backpacks are right out.

But I've got to hand it to you and your fashion consultants, linen is one sharp fabric, properly cared for.

On an unrelated, political (gasp!) note, how is the Japanese public reacting to the big check being written out by the Japanese government to the Iraq reconstruction?